I know there aren't a lot of people signing up for this, but I'm gonna be there, and if anyone else wants to show up, if it's three or less, let's just work on racecraft practice. Like, I dunno if Lorenzo and Bogman can benefit from an hour of talking about the rudiments of racing, but I know I can. Hell everyone can. You can learn 80% of something in 20% of the time it takes to be an expert, but that last 20% takes 80% of the time it takes to be an expert, if that makes sense.
Like i have the first 80% down, and I gotta work on the last 20%. I've had decent wheels and pedals for eight years now, and now I have the best set up I've ever had. It's time for me to get serious and commit. If I could have an hour with, Lord sorry Lorenzo. I'm so sorry I am going to pad your ego 'cause I know you do that enough yourself! But you're good, man. You've invested years of you life into motorsports and sim racing, your passion and enthusiasm for motorsports and sim racing are very apparent. Being around that and just discussing racecraft for an hour would be hugely valuable for me.
Also I know this is a weird venue to talk about this, but I have really intense and bad anxiety problems that have stonewalled me in my life for about four years now. Only in the past six months have I started making serious progress on it. Going to a doctor and all that stuff, taking meds and other stuff. Like, at this point in my life, I'm 29 and I have a dead end job. I have skillsets and talents in a couple fields, and a deeply and intricately rooted love of motorsports. I have climbed out of my respective anxiety hole to the point where I can look back and think "wow I used to think being that deep in this pit was okay", and I feel like if I talk about it I'll have less of a chance of regression into bad thought patterns that make my anxiety worse. Making it this far, I realize some things in my life are going to change, and part of that is my most intense passion, cars going around a fixed course really fast.
I sincerely don't know how and where motorsports are going to fit in to my life going forward. Talking about that with other obsessives would be a therapy for me. Motorsports are deeply tied into my life, but how it fits in going forward I don't know. I don't know how to reconcile an all consuming obsession with the realities of a changing life. All I know is that it needs to be there.
In my darkest times I have my hands on a wheel, and my feet on my pedals to get myself through it. If those aren't around, I'm imaging myself on the track. Even when I'm thinking about it I can feel the rear end biting into the road through the wheel as my feet dance on the pedals. Racing is valuable to me, and I need to figure out how. Zen Buddhists meditate, I race!
Basically I need a moment to vent with people who understand where I'm coming from. It may sound selfish, but I am digging myself out of a hole. This is a good community. Even when I've ruined peoples races, they've shown me kindness. I can find good things for myself here, even if it's just me in no mans land, in last, or in the midfield while newer drivers are behind me, and more experienced drivers in front. Even with a ten second gap in front and behind, I'm driving. I know that I still have 18 laps that all need to be within a +/- .2 second window. The tenacity and focus, even in a sim, even in no mans land, is something I seek out. It gives me a couple hours to set aside all of my perceived problems, and I don't think I get enough chances to do it!
So, I'm seeking my own therapy through race cars, and the motorsport community. You wanna hang out and talk race cars? Talk about why they're there for you, and help me get better at racing? Let's do it.
I am saying that if only a few people sign up, I still want to be there. Even if it's just for me. So let's race. Let's get better, and let's dive into our passion.
Who's gonna be there tomorrow?!
