Well, my mom is going to leave for her niece's wedding Monday. I realised my mom makes my life so hectic that I am too stressed out to study; when I tell her to take it easy, she doesn't listen and she has so many chores and tasks for me to do.
That, combined with my job, makes studying 3-4 hours a day nearly impossible - which is what she, as well as my brother, who is just as demanding, wants me to do - because I don't have enough time to unwind and enjoy myself.
In the next few weeks, I'm thinking about living with my father. Once again, my mom and dad aren't divorced, just separated, but, they love each other. Anyway, my dad doesn't pester me very much and I can do my own thing most of the time. While my mom tries to prepare me for the real world, she doesn't help me develop the attitude necessary for the real world. My dad, while he does not prepare me for the real world, he lets me develop my attitude that is unaffected by what the world does onto me.
I understand mothers love their children very much, but, I feel she is keeping me from being successful in life. My brother and to some extent, my sister, are also like this.
Also, whenever I deal with my mom and brother, bad things always seem to happen to me. Bad luck follows me when I am around them, and I have been very angry at them so many times, but, in a few weeks, I'm gonna say my goodbyes to everyone and resign from my job and leave to Mobile to live with my dad, because, my dad has tried to talk to them, but, they are set in their ways, so, my father says that as long as I enjoy pursuing my ambitions, my life is good.
Seven years ago, when my mom was hardly in my life, I used to enjoy everything I did. When my mom became more attached and domineering towards me because of my hard times in a new school, I barely made it out of high school, I failed college, and many opportunities that were ripe are now gone. My mom makes everything into a business rather than an enjoyment, and, I have to go my own way if I ever want my ambitions to be realised.
I will still visit her, sometimes, with my dad, and hopefully, we will have many good memories. Though, I can't remember the last time I had a good memory with my mother; I have seen pictures of me as a three-year-old playing with my mom. How distant we've grown!
Now, our tumultuous relationship has spread to where I am resentful of my brother and perhaps my sister.
I have post traumatic stress disorder, because I didn't do well in high school and college, and, I am quick to blame my mom, brother, and sister. I let my PTSD ruin our trip to Vancouver last year when I kept bringing back old memories of my failures and I had arguments over past issues because of my distrust of all three of them that I still harbour today.
Well, I don't know if I'll ever fully reconcile with my family considering they drive me insane.
I'm sorry for expressing my frustration, but, this is a thread of confessions, so, I have to confess this to let everyone know about the main issues surrounding my life.